I do believe remaining positive is an integral part of breast cancer survivor-ship and healing. I hear others say it frequently. However, there are times when all that encompasses this disease as a patient advocate sucks you under. Perhaps it is the short days as the Winter Solstice arrives. The long winter nights glow with holiday lights. At the same time, the events of this month have made me realize with breast cancer, not all is merry and bright.
Metastatic Breast Cancer
I have spoken with too many friends this month who are stage four metastatic. Some attended the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium despite their exhaustion from treatments. They went to make a difference as patient advocates. Even though I didn’t attend this year, it is a grueling conference when you are feeling good. I can only imagine they must have collapsed into their hotel beds at the end of long days of advocacy and sessions about breast cancer research and clinical trials.
A dear friend who was recently diagnosed metastatic is struggling with the upcoming treatment she is facing. What has been frustrating to her is the amount of energy she is spending dealing with insurance issues, appointments that were supposed to be scheduled and slipped through the cracks, dealing with telling her family, and wondering how it will change her future she planned so carefully. She is doing all of this with emotional and physical fatigue.
Many of us are making plans to be with family and celebrate. We have made such amazing strides in treatment for those with metastatic breast cancer but not enough. Not enough because my heart aches for my friends, knowing the thoughts running through their mind could be, “Will this be my last Christmas?”
Healing from Surgery after Breast Cancer
I had my DIEP flap the first part of December. Although I was so extraordinarily happy to have my breasts rebuilt and restored after breast cancer, there were days I felt melancholy. I watched my body heal with four drains, bruising and long scars running across my abdomen and breasts.
There are women who are healing from breast reconstruction surgery after enduring breast cancer treatments. Some have had multiple surgeries just this year. To be honest, some are not doing as well as others. They have encountered infections, wound healing issues, fatigue, and realizing they have a new body to become accustomed to. With the holiday expectations of maintaining the merry and bright attitude, it becomes compounded when you don’t feel so merry and bright dealing with these circumstances.
We Don’t Always Have to Act Merry and Bright
Be kind to those who are going through these challenging days. Give them your time. Just listen and be there for them. Acknowledge how difficult it must be to go through surgery and treatment during the time when so many are feeling merry and bright. Take their hand gently, give them a hug, text them, call them, or bring them a meal. If they bring up the holiday season and how badly they feel for not being fully engaged, let them be tearful, angry, and sad.
These days are full of expectations. As difficult as this month has been for so many, know that it’s OK to not feel in the holiday spirit. When breast cancer is involved, remember, not all is so merry and bright for all those affected, patients, caregivers, physicians, family, and friends. Be gentle with yourself and others.
