Father’s Day: The Empty Rocking Chair

My family and I sat on a shaded screened porch for many family occasions, both small and large. A sign, hand painted by Dad, hangs on the patio and reads, “Sit Long, Talk Much, Laugh Often”. On the porch are several comfortable outdoor wicker chairs. One chair, the wicker rocking chair, is where Dad always sat. He held his great grandchildren while he sat in the rocker. Sipping coffee and talking about the morning news was another favorite activity in his chair for Dad when I would go home for visits. In the evening, he sat with his Jack Daniels sipping it slowly imparting the wisdom of a man who lived just a few days short of 89 years. This year on Father’s Day, there is an empty rocking chair. I feel a sense of loneliness.

My Dad died of cancer last year. The last time I sat on the porch with him he was frail, in a walker, and knew his shadows were growing longer. I planted two tomato plants on my final visit before he passed. They were just outside the screened porch so he could watch them over the summer. He would call and report to me how they were doing. I hated being so far away from him in his finals days but those were the things that connected us.

My Father’s Middle Daughter

I know not everyone is fortunate to have strong relationships with their Dads. I was lucky. I was his middle daughter, the one who butt heads with my Dad more than my other two sisters. We understood each other. There were times we shared some rather edgy conversations, looked each other straight in the eye, and then we’d both break out in a smile. Yea, we just got each other like that. When a parent passes those are the moments you miss. My throat is tightening and my eyes filling with tears even as I type this blog. I loved my Dad a lot, despite our differences.

He did not have a computer, never sent a text, and wasn’t really comfortable being part of any Face Time with us when we chose that way to be able to see him. He would chastise my sisters and me and say, “What are you on that damn phone again for?” When I spent hours with him in hospital during part of his convalescence, he would ask me the question. I just looked at him sternly and said, “Dad, I’m doing some work”. I would even have my portable phone charger tucked in the back pocket of my jeans to be able to work throughout the day while he was sleeping.

I Felt My Father’s Love in Unspoken Ways

 But here’s the thing, when I walked the halls with him and pushed him in his wheelchair, he would stop the hospital staff and say, “Hey, look at what my daughter has. Show them that thing in your back pocket, Terri. Isn’t that something?”

Dad didn’t talk about my Foundation much. He was not interested in social media and admonished those who used it most of the time. It wasn’t a topic we could talk about, which was OK with me. However, a year before he passed on one of my visits home, he spoke to me one early Sunday morning just before we all left for Mass. He sat on his sofa alone in quiet contemplation as I passed by. He said, “Terri, I want to tell you something.” Oh dear, thinking I was in trouble I paused and said, “Yea, Dad, what is it?”

This is how my Dad perceived my Foundation work. He looked at me with the loving eyes only a daughter knows from his Dad and said, “You have become quite the businesswoman. Traveling, meeting other people, helping these ladies out. I’m really proud of you, Terri.” A moment etched in my mind and shall be forever.

Final Thoughts on Father’s Day

I could write forever about my Dad. He lived a full, beautiful life. It was not without personal challenges and struggles. But he always faced them head on. I learned tenacity, love, the importance of family, and being a dedicated parent from Dad.

This Father’s Day, the rocking chair is empty, the back porch will never be the same. I miss you Dad, but my heart is always full of what you gave me, with all your heart.

Disclaimer

References made to my surgical group, surgeon and healthcare team are made because they are aligned with my values and met my criterion after I did research of their practices and success rates. Any other healthcare provider that displays the same skill, compassion education and outreach to patients will be given consideration and recognition on this website.  The information contained on this website is not a substitute for or should be construed as medical advice. Please consult a licensed physician for medical advice.