There are a variety of celebrations across the globe as the year ends. Holidays, giving, tangible gifts! We love to wrap packages in pretty bows and paper to give to family and friends. I want to talk about the intangible gifts of the holidays. The gifts that are in our hearts. Gifts not always easy to find or give. Perhaps this is my reflection on the gifts I have received from so many this past year. What are my five favorite gift ideas from a patient advocate?
The Gift of Compassion
Whether you have been newly diagnosed with breast cancer or are considering breast reconstruction after mastectomy, the gift of compassion is priceless. The most well-meaning friends and family can say comments we don’t always appreciate. The truth is, friends and family do not always know what to say. What can you do?
- Hold a hand if you are with a friend or loved one in person. You don’t even have to say anything. Perhaps your warm, human touch is enough. Tell them you have no idea how they are feeling at the moment but want to support them in any way you can.
- Be sensitive to the fact they may only need someone to listen, not advise.
- Lighten up the situation with a bit of humor; a funny card, silly socks. I remember passing along a button to a newly diagnosed breast cancer patient. The button was given to me when I was on chemotherapy and feeling horrible. The button said, “I feel like shit.” It became a fun conversation between the two of us while she went through chemotherapy herself.
The Gift of Kindness
We don’t always have good days, any of us. Step away from your own problems for just a moment. When a friend is in need, just be kind.
- I don’t think a breast cancer patient or someone who is contemplating having breast reconstruction wants to hear about your bad day when they are dealing with a difficult medical situation. Take your problems to someone else just for the time being.
- Can you offer to drive someone to an appointment?
- Would you offer to be a second listening ear if someone wanted you to sit through a consult?
The Gift of Persistence
Anyone dealing with a breast cancer diagnosis or recovering from breast reconstruction surgery will tell you it takes persistence. So how can persistence be a gift to share?
- A patient may talk to you about the same issue over and over again. Maybe it is pain they are dealing with. Perhaps they are frustrated with insurance issues or their own health care team. It is often difficult to hear their same complaints over and over again. Be persistent in listening to them. Offer any help you can but mostly, just listen.
- Don’t give up if you offer help and they don’t respond. Revisit your offer to do something for them with gently persistence. One day they may decide they need your help. They will remember you offered. It might be your turn to be there for them when you least expect it.
The Gift of Tenderness
Are you a person who likes to be a problem solver? Anyone dealing with healing needs a lot of tenderness. There are times when solutions are not what they are looking for.
- Try saying something like, “How in the world do you find the strength to handle all this?”
- Maybe a comment will help them understand you want to help. Perhaps saying, “What can I do to make this easier for you?” It makes you part of the team then by tenderly asking them.
The Gift of Love
We hear the phrase, “I love you” so often these days. I say it often and with heartfelt sincerity to those who have truly shown me all of the intangible gifts I have listed here.
When someone has shown:
- sincerity
- given with their heart
- shared their talent, time, and energy, I tell them I love them.
But do we necessarily need to hear the phrase, “I love you”? I do not think so.
What are your favorite intangible gifts? Let’s share those gift ideas together. I would love to hear from you.
