I remember well the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I found out when I received a phone call about my first diagnosis. It honestly felt surreal, like a gut punch when I picked up the phone and heard, “You have breast cancer.” The second time it was in person when I was called back to the radiologist’s office on my way home. The phone rang telling me to return after being cleared to go by a resident. I knew it wasn’t going to be good. But from diagnosis to regaining strength after DIEP flap, I made it through like so many others.
My Diagnosis, Both
Does the moment and emotions you experienced when you were diagnosed ever go away? I often hear the day, time, place, and how one felt is forever etched in your mind. It still is for me. How did you feel?
My palms were literally sweaty, my hands were shaking, and it felt like all the adrenaline was sucked out of my body, both times. After I heard the news the first time, I put the phone back on the hook and melted into a puddle of tears. I curled up in a ball, holding my stomach and cried like a baby. My second diagnosis was different. I was so pissed off I had to tell my family about this again I was stoic. No crying this time. I went home and started texting my sons. I sent them a photo of me with a smile just to let them know I was O.K.
Did you immediately begin planning or did you just feel frozen? The first time, I felt frozen. The second time, I began preparing since I had been down this ugly road before. During my first diagnosis, at age 47, I did everything my healthcare team told me to do. Because of the intensity of my treatment and landing in hospital from the effects of chemo, I switched oncologist. I could not live with the harshness of my first oncologist. It was a good switch. I adored my radiologist. He was brilliant and had a great sense of humor. April of 2014 after my second diagnosis, my advocacy began, whether I realized it at the time or not.
Planning Breast Surgery and Breast Reconstruction
Diagnosis one was two surgeries, chemo, and radiation. Why two surgeries? The breast surgeon did not get clear margins the first time. That was in 2002. There are studies on positive margin resection and the fear it causes patients. Any surgery, first time, second time, any time brings uncertainty and fear util the labs and pathology reports come back clear. It has never been different for me either diagnosis. Planning for these surgeries requires the patient to have a clear understanding of what will be involved. Having a shared decision-making conversation with your surgeon is the goal but a challenge when so much is at stake.
- Will it be day surgery or in hospital with at least an overnight stay?
- Who will I have to have with me?
- What clothing should I bring to the hospital?
- When will I return for a follow-up visit?
- How long will recovery take, and will I need to take time off work?
There are so many things to think about that turn your daily life upside down. One minute you are taking care of others as a wife, mother, partner, and the next minute the focus and care is all on you. This becomes very difficult for some who have known nothing but being a caregiver for others. I learned you must let go of quite a bit of control planning for breast surgery.
The Road to Recovery
You are lying in the hospital recovering. The moment you wake up is the first day of your recovery. Will it progressively get better each day? Honestly? No. I often say recovery from breast surgery and breast reconstruction is not a linear process. The first day after my DIEP flap surgery I felt like I’ve never felt in my life. The feeling of heaviness, mind-fog, weakness was overwhelming. This was before ERAS protocol was used at the practice, I had my breast reconstruction at. I walked around with a catheter and an IV in each hand. With all of this hooked up to my IV pole I slugged around the halls like an elephant on drugs.
Soon after I was taken off the pain-controlled pump and put on non-narcotic medication, added to the fact I was now on solid food, the progression began. I felt like I was gaining ground in hospital. A few short days later, I was released to go back to the Airbnb we rented since I had traveled. I slept so well the first day, like a baby. My husband and best friend were sitting in the same room chatting and it was like I did not know they were there I was so zonked out. Man, that was great sleep! But subsequently, I woke up around the second night with back fatigue I couldn’t handle without tears. The next day I saw my surgeon and he gave me some muscle relaxers to help. That night, I got a great night’s sleep. On with recovery.
Regaining Strength at Home after DIEP Flap Breast Reconstruction
I traveled for my surgery and had to prepare for that flight. It really wasn’t so bad since I did prepare. Being home felt good. I honestly looked the other way when I saw piles of mail, and things around the house that were not kept the way I would have kept them had I been there. But I wasn’t home for two weeks so you prioritize. I settled in by making a comfortable place for me to rest during the day. It included all the comforts I loved. My favorite, was my warm blanket, magazines, a good book, my phone, and phone charger. The men in my life made sure I had snacks and water. My appetite wasn’t great yet. My husband always made sure I had protein shakes in the fridge to keep my nutrition up.
Walking and planning outings was the best way for me to regain my strength. I was diligent about doing my arm exercises. They felt good after my double mastectomy seven months before my DIEP flap, and I knew they would be beneficial after breast reconstruction. It was a non-negotiable daily task. Going on short jaunts with our oldest son who was visiting gave me a sense of normalcy, even if it was in the bra section of the department store. That garnered a few laughs and fond memories.
Making sure I spoke with friends and family when I was feeling at my best helped with emotional recovery. If I was tired, it did me no good to have conversations. This only put undo stress on family when I was not sounding strong and at my best. Choose appropriate times to make those calls and have visitors.
You Will Get There!
This I promise. I speak to many women who have days they are overcome with emotion, discomfort, and adjustments from looking at scars, incisions, and a new body. But then like the emergence of the butterfly from the cocoon I hear the joy of fully regaining strength. A first trip back to the gym, a return to lovemaking with a partner, a snuggle with children or grandchildren. Life returns to a new normal after DIEP flap breast reconstruction. Were there days you thought you might never to get to this place from diagnosis to regaining strength after DIEP flap? I know. I felt the same way. But you did it! I did it! I’m glad I chose to have DIEP flap breast reconstruction after my diagnosis of breast cancer.
