Sometimes, yes, sadly there is guilt associated with choosing breast reconstruction. I hear this conversation too frequently. It is a feeling I can relate to on some level. There are varying reasons women feel this way during the process of deciding to have breast reconstruction when they are faced with mastectomy. Let’s look at some of the reasons and answer the question, “Is there guilt associated with choosing breast reconstruction?”.
Perceived Vanity Associated with Choosing Breast Reconstruction
To some who hear the words breast reconstruction and plastic surgery in the same sentence, there is sometimes a perceived notion the patient is choosing this for appearance sake, vanity. I cringe when I hear the phrase, “boob job” referring to breast reconstruction. Sadly, a leading beauty magazine actually used the phrase talking about breast enhancements and reconstruction in the same article just this year. I won’t be including the name of the publication. Suffice to say, this phrase has caused anger and heartache among those of us affected by the loss of our breasts. It is not a boob job and never will be. It is replacing a body part lost to a disease no one chose to have.
Breast Reconstruction can Improve Mental Well-being
There are evidence-based studies showing breast reconstruction improves psycho-social well-being and sexual well-being. No one can speak to the loss of breasts except the breast cancer patient. The impact of loss of breast for me personally became something I never came to grips with. My once sociable personality became more like a hermit crab the seven months I lived without my breasts.
Women who have been through reconstruction assure others still waiting to have their surgery frequently on the Journey Facebook group. One woman stated, “When we take care of our bodies, we take care of our health”. Another one said, “Mental health is equally important to physical health, if not more so. Don’t sacrifice your mental and emotional health for your bright future because of guilt.”
Guilt Associated with Burden on Loved Ones
This is the guilt I can personally relate to. My parents watched me go through breast cancer twice. They saw the toll that multiple surgeries, chemotherapy, and radiation took on my physical body. They were not convinced I should go through DIEP flap breast reconstruction. It was hard for me to hear the concern and love in their voice knowing I would have more surgery, more recovery with the risks involved. Now, my family has learned so much about this amazing procedure I had. They did not understand it before my surgery but see the positive impact it has on my life. I have their support doing the work to educate others about options for breast reconstruction. The guilt I felt then is a distant memory. But, it’s hard to explain to someone who has not had surgery yet.
Many know it will require time off from work and possible travel. Women will have to rely on support from loved ones to care for them during recovery. It is hard to ask when you are usually the person taking care of everyone else. I do like to remind women; you are the one going through the surgery and recovery. Your loved ones have to be on the side lines. Many feel empowered and part of your personal Journey by being your care giver during your time of healing. It’s OK to ask.
Guilt of Financial Costs for Breast Reconstruction
Wait! Isn’t this covered by insurance by law? Yes, it is. However, yearly deductibles can reduce savings. Families make personal sacrifices. Breast reconstruction is seldom one surgery. Some have to pay deductibles two years in a row for this reason. There are other added costs of having this surgery as well. When you are rolling those figures around in your head before surgery the guilt of financial costs for breast reconstruction can feel overwhelming.
Advice for Overcoming Guilt Associated with Breast Reconstruction
Listen to those who have done their homework, found a highly successful board-certified surgeon and have completed their personal breast reconstruction Journey. They will tell you they regained the confidence breast cancer stole from them. These women no longer feel incomplete. Their bodies are whole again and they physically feel more in balance. Was it an easy decision? No.
Breast reconstruction is not for everybody. Those who have been through the feelings of guilt prior to surgery can validate their decision to have breast reconstruction because they are not reminded daily of what breast cancer took from them. Let your grit overcome your feelings of guilt. Reach out for help if you are having these feelings of guilt associated with choosing breast reconstruction.
There are those of us who have gone before you who are here to support you through your breast reconstruction.
