National Cancer Survivors Day: Where Do I Begin?
Today is National Cancer Survivors Day and it is difficult to know where to begin to condense my thoughts about this day as a two time survivor of breast cancer. There is a very dark side for many survivors. I’ve had those days; diagnosis, telling your loved ones, surgeries, chemo, radiation, medication, side effects. But oh those glorious bright days! Let’s take a look at both.
The Dark Side of Cancer Survivor-ship: The Ugly Vortex
I have always equated cancer to an ugly vortex. When you first hear the words that you have cancer that vortex begins its whirling mass of sucking many people into it. Being a cancer survivor does not affect just the individual with the diagnosis. Your spouse, partner, children, family and friends become survivors of sorts as well. They weren’t asked to take on the role of caregiver but they somehow rise to the occasion, at least most do. My personal experience was beyond loving and caring. I was the lucky gal who had more warm love and support wrapped around me for both diagnoses than anyone could hope for. I lost a couple of “friends” along the way who were in it for all the wrong reasons. I learned to accept that loss and move on. Those couple of lost friends was offset and my life is fuller now because of those who supported me through my ups and downs. They stuck with me no matter how grim the news was. They are my personal survivors and no one but us will ever know the depths of that love.
Today, I’m shouting out to the world on National Cancer Survivor Day, “I love my personal survivors and I am here because you were there for me when I needed you most!!!”
The Dark Side: Stage IV, Loss of Limbs, Change in Life
I don’t quite know how to express in words my feelings to the metastatic community. Those living with stage IV metastatic cancer are survivors in a whole different category. So I will just say this, whatever grit, whatever tenacity it takes to be a stage IV metastatic survivor I bow down in complete awe of every single one of you. There is a movement now that is gaining momentum and I hope it plows through the barriers of research like a runaway train. There are behemoths in the metastatic community that have grabbed their megaphones and won’t let their voices be shut down until more funding is appropriated for this community. Keep those megaphones in hand and don’t stop this movement!
Loss of limb to cancer is a category I know too well. It is a dark side of cancer. I lost two body parts to cancer, my breasts. The seven months I lived without my breasts, before I had DIEP flap breast reconstruction, were a mental mind-bender at times. Dealing with the loss of the body part that defined me as a woman, dealing with a prosthesis that I never really adapted to, trying to find clothes to wear that made me feel like my pre-mastectomy body were all part of the dark side of cancer survivor-ship for me.
The changes in life that so many cancer survivors must go through, is yet another dark side of cancer. I can’t say for certain, but one of the heaviest burdens to bear for many survivors is the fear of recurrence. It tortures many and many have made nothing short of drastic lifestyle changes to keep that fear at bay. Those lifestyle changes may include a change in eating habits. I’ve heard many cancer survivors say they almost over think anything that goes into their mouth thinking something they eat may be contributing to a chance that cancer may return. They may have quit enjoying the social aspects of sharing a glass of wine or cocktail with friends. None of us really like being in a social setting with everyone else ordering drinks when you’re sipping on water. It seems so trite but these are changes many survivors make after their diagnosis.
Cancer Survivor-ship: Oh those glorious bright days!
One year, on National Cancer Survivors Day, I was with family returning from an amazing reunion and beach vacation. We were flying cross country to return home. I stepped onto the plane, knowing it was National Cancer Survivor’s Day and quietly asked the flight attendant if she would mind announcing it after we were airborne. She looked at me with a sense of gratitude and said, “It would be my honor.”
Shortly after takeoff, when all the protocols and messages were taken care of, she made the announcement. She told the passengers that it was National Cancer Survivors Day. The plane fell silent for a moment. She asked that every survivor on the plane raise their hand. As I did so my heart began to pound and tears began welling up in my eyes as I looked around at the number of hands in the air.
I thought to myself, here is my community. Here is the group of people I could sit next to and start a conversation with about being a cancer survivor and feel as if I’d known them all my life. Then I thought about the family and friends that might be accompanying those survivors, my own sister and brother-in-law right there on the plane with me. I wished I had asked the flight attendant to have every caregiver of a cancer survivor on that plane raise their hand as well.
The Cancer Survivor Community
I think about the men and women in this cancer survivor community I have met along the way. It includes so many and today embraces the global community of cancer survivors. I am grateful for any physician who has dedicated their life to researching, counseling patients, spending hours of training to rebuild and put lives back together after a cancer diagnosis. The survivors I have met through my social media community are stories that make up the chapters of my cancer survivor-ship Journey.
They are my bright and glorious days. The dark days will come and go but if being a cancer survivor has taught me anything, it’s to embrace each and every glorious day you are given on this earth. I have become a bit bolder, a bit more fearless and not a day goes by that I’m not more grateful for what I have gained by being a cancer survivor.
National Cancer Survivors Day
Terri, really like the idea of a day for the caregivers. The main cancer institute has an appreciation forum for staff that have been supportive and I think that should be expanded to include the community that gathers around us when we need them. This, I believe will also raise the perception that “human resources” are both important and not only confined to the two main clinics in this province. Sadly, the current philosophy seems to be that the clinics are the only source of genuine care and it isn’t the business of “amateurs” to fool around with this serious stuff. We all know that’s the wrong attitude:-)
Great comments, Scott. It’s those under recognized caregivers that are our true crutches and support that deserve to be recognized but often are not despite the unfailing courage they have to bring to the game when they didn’t even want to play. There are new groups forming on Social Media to give assistance to Caregivers. One that comes to mind is http://www.carehood.co/ I know there are more but when these type of movements begin, it helps everyone involved. Thanks so much for the comment. I sense you have had a very strong caregiver and return that honor yourself. ~Terri
Terri, you are right about my care givers. With my heart it my wife Leslie who stepped in twice to point out to a receptive Doctor that I appeared to be dying. My daughter Lindsay who told me clearly NOT to get out of bed while I was connected to life support and then when I did, confined herself to ONE I-told-you-so before calling the nurse. And my friend who now has cancer and is helping me help her.
Once again, your way with words, Terri, gives a more beautiful life to what are my rather stoic, raw thoughts. The black vortex sucked me in twice too. I would have thought that the second time would have been gentler but it was just as devastating as the first. And as you said, the very real threat of recurrence is ever present and increases as time goes by, in my case. But we don’t get another life, just this one, so I try to live as best I can. I wouldn’t have had the courage to ask what you did of the flight attendant! Every raised had some feeling of camaraderie as a result. We need that! Keep up your good work!
Hi Connie! What a lovely post and comment. First time, second time; neither are easy. This I will tell you, comments from readers and friends, that’s what keeps me going. I will stay the course as long as this Journey lets me! So good to hear from you. ~Terri