You arrive for your yearly mammogram, CT scan, ultrasound, or blood work. It could be any number of medical tests to determine if you have breast cancer, your breast cancer has metastasized, you are called back to have further testing, the list goes on. The appointment can elicit worry days before when you view it on your calendar knowing it is coming up. Then you wait for results. Or you wait a few more days for a recall on a mammogram when they “find something suspicious” that was not there a year ago. What do you say to someone who shares this news with you? Did you tell them not to worry? They are probably thinking, “please don’t tell me not to worry”.
Mammograms can Cause Worry
There are those who are having their first mammogram ever. Whether you are 24, 40 or 84 is really does not matter. The process is just not fun. You are given instruction to undress from the waist up, throw on your gown, and go sit in a waiting room to be called back. I remember shivering from being cold many of these occasions. Argh! Just writing about it brings back memories for me. I still monitor my breasts through self-breast examination, but I do not get mammograms any longer since I had DIEP flap breast reconstruction. The technician tries her best to gently press you as close to the “smash-o-gram” machine as she can. Lifting and filling the cup of her hand up with your breast tissue is awkward at best. Holding your breath is like jumping in a cold swimming and someone holding your head under. When can I breathe?
Then you wait and worry while the results are processed generally taking up to a week.
Scanxiety
Have you experienced a bone scan, PET scan, or CT scan? I am sure it was at the top of your list of fun things to do right? There may be prep like drinking a lot of water, so much so you do not know if you can hold it long enough until the scan is over. There can be dietary restrictions before some scans. Oh yes, the disrobing routine will happen with scans. There is sometimes an IV placed. If you are someone who has had chemotherapy previously, are cold going into the procedure, or just generally have weak veins, you cross your fingers they get the stick on the first go around. Laying on the scanning table feels lonely and isolating. The noises of the machine whir around your as you begin the mind over matter routine of waiting for the technician to tell you it is complete.
Then you wait and worry while the results are processed and viewed by the radiologist and sent off to your doctor to review.
Choose Your Words of Comfort Carefully
All this gloomy news, right? And it is sometimes just as difficult to be on the receiving end when a friend or family member goes through this. What are you supposed to say to them? What can you do for them? I have been on both sides of this situation. I have had scans, tests, mammograms, and call backs. As a patient advocate, I listen to many women and men who wait and worry.
Personally, telling some not to worry to me is not what anyone wants to hear. It is like stating the obvious. These are some words you might use:
- I am sorry. This is not going to be easy waiting on results, is it?
- How are you feeling right now? Can I drop something by or take you out for a coffee or ice cream?
- What if I took you to your appointment when you get the results, good or bad, I will be there.
- Is there anything I can do to make this easier? I am here to listen.
- Are you getting support at home or feeling isolated and alone about this?
- When someone is feeling emotional, my favorite has always been, “Cry ‘til you’re dry”. Let’s just have a good cleanse.
When you call and check on them, do not feel like you always have to ask how they are. Distraction from the obvious worry at hand is a good practice. Talk about boring, mundane things in life and it may just produce a laugh or two.
But please, please, do not tell me not to worry.
